I want to make a zoo with you.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
