drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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