so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
They took my balls.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize