STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize
