I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
