Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
