she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
