Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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