...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
