Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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