what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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