Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
