i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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