Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
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