that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
