dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
