id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
