he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize