there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
