I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
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