The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
