yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
