And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
