So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I touched a dick in church today
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
