Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Randomize
