i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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