If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
