I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Randomize
