i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
