i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
