There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
