READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
