I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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