When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
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