Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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