so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
