the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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