Need sex. Gaining weight.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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