Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
