I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
bring money and cleavage
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
