I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
