TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
