maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize