A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
