We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
