Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
