God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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