dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
