Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
