don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize