do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
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