So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually heβll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
