Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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