I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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