So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
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