weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
