I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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