guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
