I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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