I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize