We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
