You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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