Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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