woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
