I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
