if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
