i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
