and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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