11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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