she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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