p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I could make wine with my vomit
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
This can only be settled by a dance off.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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