I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
