He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
