And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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