So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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