dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
