he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
