You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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