You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize