I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
