Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
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