Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
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