butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
