i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
