i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
